I know you shouldn't trust the things you tell yourself late at night because your mind isn't in the right place but right now I really feel like doing something. I mean, SOMETHING. Like set off on a yacht with pillows and a mattress out back and cuddle up and watch the stars and just, float. Or go on a road trip. Or have a new room to decorate. Or sit on the highest point of a city and sing songs. Something that makes me feel... larger than life. Or perhaps minuscule in an infinite universe. Either way, I will still feel that kick; that 'wow'.
Back to reality; it is time for me to sleep. So I will continue my dreams later.
I love irony.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Hey, how's it going up there?
I feel so far away from God.
I don't think I've ever been this inconsistent in my practices. Though part of me is lazy and will give in to the 'mercy' I expect later on, I also feel obligated and guilty that I've been neglecting not only my faith but my friend. At this time in my life I feel like I've been given so so so much; so many opportunities, so much success, people who love and care about me; on top of that I'm also grateful for a reflective mind.
I feel a suppressed indignation sometimes when I come across proclamations on social media of people's sensationalised faith, probably because I was brought up to give my penance privately. Perhaps I feel this way also because I am envious of their possibly legit sense of totality. Gone are the days that I'd so actively participate in churchly activities, prioritising the church youth group over many other things and seeing a goal in being there. Gone are the days I'd listen intently to our youth formators speak of their faith. Gone are the days I'd enthusiastically seek to have a fuller spirit.
I guess I'm taking it all for granted. I owe so much to Him, because even though I stopped being habitual in prayer (which sadly, I cannot remember when), only good things have been coming my way, and this assures me that He is a patient, merciful and ever-giving father. I take so much for granted. And in taking my family and friends for granted, I do not appreciate Him enough. How do I overcome this inertia and regain my hunger for spirituality? This (ironically) I'll need to pray about.
I don't think I've ever been this inconsistent in my practices. Though part of me is lazy and will give in to the 'mercy' I expect later on, I also feel obligated and guilty that I've been neglecting not only my faith but my friend. At this time in my life I feel like I've been given so so so much; so many opportunities, so much success, people who love and care about me; on top of that I'm also grateful for a reflective mind.
I feel a suppressed indignation sometimes when I come across proclamations on social media of people's sensationalised faith, probably because I was brought up to give my penance privately. Perhaps I feel this way also because I am envious of their possibly legit sense of totality. Gone are the days that I'd so actively participate in churchly activities, prioritising the church youth group over many other things and seeing a goal in being there. Gone are the days I'd listen intently to our youth formators speak of their faith. Gone are the days I'd enthusiastically seek to have a fuller spirit.
I guess I'm taking it all for granted. I owe so much to Him, because even though I stopped being habitual in prayer (which sadly, I cannot remember when), only good things have been coming my way, and this assures me that He is a patient, merciful and ever-giving father. I take so much for granted. And in taking my family and friends for granted, I do not appreciate Him enough. How do I overcome this inertia and regain my hunger for spirituality? This (ironically) I'll need to pray about.
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